popkin16

Happy holidays, everyone <3 I hope you're having an excellent holiday. Huge thanks to everyone who sent me a Christmas card - it was the perfect thing to come home to after a long day at work. I have them all propped up on my dresser so I can look at them :)

Crossposts: https://popkin16.livejournal.com/218413.html

I'm doing...ok. Work has been extremely overwhelming - they increased the number of grocery orders per day we can get (worst timing ever), and on top of that we have the expected online holiday craziness. Lots of new people, quite a few experienced coworkers on leave, and all combined it leaves me feeling exhausted and overwhelmed a lot. Two days off doesn't seem to be enough time to recover before I'm thrown back into things. I'm by turns exhausted and apathetic, and I keep forgetting things. Nothing too important (like meds or appointments, for example), just...little things. I've been setting a lot of reminders on my phone, and then forgetting to check my phone. Brain fog is the worst.

Hopefully things will settle after the New Year and I'll feel less like I'm treading water. We'll see.

I'm jumping between fandoms like I'm playing a game of hot potato. SGA, James Bond, Critical Role, Dresden Files, BFU. Right now I'm revisiting the Fullmetal Alchemist fandom, which is weird because I haven't watched the anime (either of them) in years. Then again, the last time I visited the Dresden Files fandom it was 2011, so...hm. Maybe it isn't so weird. I've also started reading Silmarillion fanfiction even though I've never read the book. A friend of mine told me about a ship of theirs from the book, and despite the many characters (why do they all have five names each??) and tragic events, I sought out fic and fell in love.

Buzzfeed Unsolved is officially done, but the boys have announced a ghost hunting show called Ghost Files on their own channel. My exhaustion/apathy means I'm behind on MANY of their stuff. I've also watched a few episodes of Only Murders in the Building and it's a perfect mix of comedy and mystery, and luckily I'm watching it with a friend - which means I'm actually going to finish it lol.

Literally nothing else of interest has happened ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Current Mood: exhausted
Crossposts: https://popkin16.livejournal.com/218330.html

Check-in post is up are up at

sga_secretsanta or the livejournal equivalent! If you've signed up, please hop over to let me know if you'll finish in time.

Crossposts: https://popkin16.livejournal.com/218071.html

Ao3 is pulling the same shit it pulled last year and is refusing to match people who are clearly compatible. It was suggested that I use the write-in function to match people, since ao3 doesn't actually have an override system and just straight up refuses to let me match certain people.

I used the write-in function, but now ao3 is telling me, "Some participants still aren't assigned. Please either delete them or match them to a placeholder before sending out assignments." I used a spreadsheet to double check that each person is listed as a participant AND a giver, so everyone has been assigned...via write-in. I have no idea what they mean by "match them to a placeholder".

Which means I'm probably going to have to go in and edit people's sign-ups in the hopes that I can figure out what to change to get people to match. People who are listing the same ships refuse to match; I'm not sure what it is that's tripping ao3 up.

Also I go back to work tomorrow so my energy to deal with ao3's bullshit is going to abruptly drop. If anyone's willing to take on this problem and try to wrangle it, I have no problems promoting someone to co-owner.

Crossposts: https://popkin16.livejournal.com/217650.html

For anyone curious about how the SGA Secret Santa matches are going, I would like to direct you to this tweet.

I won't have have any time to dedicate to ao3 wrangling until Monday night/Tuesday because work suuucks, but I just want to let everyone know I am working on it.

Crossposts: https://popkin16.livejournal.com/217356.html

I've fallen back into the Dresden Files fandom and can't get up.

It's an old fandom for me - I only read the first...what, five books? There are 17 now. To be fair, when I read the first five, there were at least twice that already out. Usually I'll get the random urge to read a fic or two, and then forget the fandom exists for years at a time, rinse and repeat. But two weeks ago I read a fic on a whim, and then another, and another...and then I was scrolling through the very old kink meme, and rereading favorites I'd bookmarked back in 2011. I'm listening to music and daydreaming about my ship, and there is absolutely nobody to chat with lmao.

I'm tempted to start the book series over, but I'm not sure I want to. Perhaps I will once I run out of fic - the fandom is VERY small - out of desperation. This was supposed to be a short visit, I wasn't supposed to settle here sa;kja

Crossposts: https://popkin16.livejournal.com/217325.html

I have no idea if LJ is telling me the truth or not, but it said it was your birthday on the 5th. I hope you had a really amazing day full of good things <3

Crossposts: https://popkin16.livejournal.com/217069.html

Day 3: What's a favorite, or at least memorable fandom meeting/interaction that you've had?
Squee weekend, every year. I'm pretty quiet in real life - shy and self-conscious and always worried I'm going to make a fool of myself. But meeting everyone there felt like finding home, and I cry every time it's time to go. Supportive, creative, hilarious, generous - these are my people, and I love them. Just the other day I was remembering that time someone set off the sprinklers in the hotel we were staying at and how we had to evacuate in the early hours of the morning.

I don't like meeting famous people. I've discovered that I prefer to go unnoticed, and even the mildest acknowledgement from someone I look up to is incredibly embarrassing. Shane & Ryan from Unsolved started their own company called Watcher, and I'm a member of their patreon. They read off the usernames of their patreon members at the end of their one show, and every time I'm even told they said my username I'm like, "Oh god, please no."

Day 4: What are the origins of your penname/username?
I was reading Stephen King's The Dark Tower series back in high school. The main character, Roland, is from a different universe, and he ends up traveling to ours. When trying to order a sandwich, he asked for a 'popkin', and I loved the word so much I made it my online username. Popkin is taken on a lot of websites, however, so I had to add some numbers.

Day 5: Compare and/or contrast your very first fandom obsession and your very latest fandom obsession.
My very first fandom was Harry Potter. This is, of course, an absolutely ginormous fandom with fic for probably every pairing one could think of. Back then fandom was very much a secret thing, and it's very much not now.

My current one is Buzzfeed Unsolved/Watcher Entertainment RPF, which is much smaller. Also Shane and Ryan know about the fanfiction written about them, and despite what people may think, have not come out one way or another in regards to it.

I also feel like fandom has become much more judgemental these days in regards to kinks and dark themes, but it's also possible that I missed all the drama back in the early 2000s. SGA was the first fandom I started reading kinky fic in, and by the time I joined the show was finished and a chunk of the fandom had moved on. Tumblr is much more multi-fandom and gives more visibility to posts of all kinds.

And now my brain has decided it's done thinking and I'm just staring at my screen, so I'm gonna post this.

Crossposts: https://popkin16.livejournal.com/216756.html

DW didn't inform me that it was the lovely, talented

goddess47 's birthday, so here is a belated birthday wish for you! I hope it was an amazing one <3

Crossposts: https://popkin16.livejournal.com/216372.html

I kept meaning to start this and then getting distracted >.<

( smthn smthn )

Crossposts: https://popkin16.livejournal.com/215869.html

Happy birthday,

wanted_a_pony <3

Crossposts: https://popkin16.livejournal.com/215735.html

Now that I have a day off with nothing planned, I can finally post.

Merry (belated) Christmas to everyone! Thank you for the holiday cards, I really appreciate them. They lifted my spirits after dragging myself home from work every day. I have them up on my bookshelf, and no I will not be taking them down any time soon.

The SGA Secret Santa 2020 is complete! Check out the fics here :) I want to thank everyone who participated, offered help, or listened to me when I talked about it lol. This crappy year has really encouraged me to reflect on what brings me joy and peace of mind, and it is in big part the McShep fandom. I've mostly been lurking this year, and I apologize for that, but know that I'm here and I love you all.

I've also been dealing with my BFU hyperfixation. I've been watching the videos in the Shyan Moments playlist and hanging out in the shipping server. It's fun and pressure free. Everyone's enthusiastic and encouraging and super friendly <3

I had a good Christmas. I received only gift cards but that's what I wanted, because when I try to explain what I want I mostly get confused looks. It's easier to just buy for myself lol. Also then nobody will judge me for my book purchases s;jfa;

I've been taking the Ashwagandha supplements based on my co-workers recommendation, and they've been working for me. I haven't had a really bad mental health day since I started taking them. I admit I was getting worried about myself - not because of self-harm thoughts or anything, but because I've never had days like that, where my head felt stuffed full of cotton and my body felt heavy. My brain is still not great, but at least I haven't had a day like that.

I'm really hoping 2021 turns out better. My New Year's resolution is going to be the same as it was the past year: to be kinder to myself. That can mean many things; not to beat myself up over stupid things, or pressure myself. To find joy where I can. I'm working on the negative self-talk too. We'll see how it goes~

Crossposts: https://popkin16.livejournal.com/214991.html

Work continues to be fucking awful. It actually picked up for a little bit there in terms of pleasantness, but now we're doing this "online only" Black Friday event thing every Saturday through Tuesday. They took half my team (all the guys, basically) and stuck me with mostly new people. The newbies are working their butts off and I appreciate them, but it's not the same as having experienced people. So while they're out chilling in lawn and garden, we're overwhelmed and incredibly stressed. AND we're forced to field all the calls about the event. It's been a very, very bad week.

This isn't helped by my ongoing mental health issues. I've never struggled like this before, and I'm having more and more "bad" days where I'm keeping myself from screaming by the skin of my teeth. I haven't been doing much - I mostly just screw around online until it's time for bed. I hang out on a shipping server for BFU and it's bringing me so much joy right now, but some days even that feels like Too Much. My coworker said she takes ashwagandha supplements for anxiety and stress, and it helps. I'm thinking of trying it, but gotta do research first.

In better news, I have a set schedule! I have every Monday and Thursday off, and I LOVE IT. It means I never have to work more than 3 days in a row, which is a blessing given the stress of life.

I've been playing Phasmophobia with a co-worker. You play as ghost hunters, going into haunted locations and trying to gather evidence to figure out what kind of spirit you're dealing with. I don't find it particularly scary, but my co-worker does, so it's fun to laugh at her when she gets scared. I feel like it'd be the PERFECT game for Shane & Ryan from BFU to play, but I don't know much about copyright laws and stuff that might prevent them. How do gamers get away with playing games, actually? Since they do make money off it via ads and such.

I wrote a 36k fic for BFU, which I'm both proud of and hate intensely. I wasn't going to share it - it was supposed to be for just me, to ease me back into writing - but the shipping server was like DO IT. SHARE IT. And I am weak for validation. I've been thinking about John & Rodney a lot, and how much I love them. Since I've been so low energy lately, I've thought about rewatching some eps.

Would it be wrong of me to take a COVID leave from work just so I could try to get some fic reading done? js;kfaj; Don't answer that.

Crossposts: https://popkin16.livejournal.com/214420.html

Work has become unbearable.

We're busier than ever. My manager has started micromanage us and it's fucking everything up. We had a rhythm going. We were the best in our market and were even winning market-wide challenges without even trying. But now everyone is stressed and morale is so fucking low. My vacation is coming up, but not fast enough. I'm dreading going into work every day and it never used to be like this. I'm more exhausted and emotionally wiped out than I have been during this entire pandemic. Hello, anxiety~

The only potentially good thing that's happened lately is they've announced they're restructuring management which means the assistant manager who's doing this might be shuffled to a different department/store. But it also means we might lose our department managers, who are honestly the only saving grace (management-wise) of the department lol. Of course, there are worse assistant managers than our current one, so even her leaving might lead to worse things.

I don't really anticipate the sweeping changes everyone is talking about. I honestly think most people are going to stay where they are. I can't decide if I'm pleased or not about that.

Crossposts: https://popkin16.livejournal.com/213951.html

I am very tired of working 6-7 days in a row and feeling too exhausted to concentrate on anything.

Crossposts: https://popkin16.livejournal.com/213622.html

The McShep Big Bang is live and posting! Check the stories out here, and make sure to keep checking back - new fic will be posted!

Crossposts: https://popkin16.livejournal.com/213494.html

Happy birthday to the incomparable

em_kellesvig! I hope your day was AMAZING.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

esteefee!

And a belated birthday to

elayna!

You guys have made my time in the SGA fandom better - I hope your special days have been wonderful :)

Crossposts: https://popkin16.livejournal.com/213189.html

Most of these answers will be too short to make a whole post for, so I'm combining. Plus, I keep slacking on this and I do love June Something, so.

What is your favorite celebrity interaction from any fandom you've had?

I haven't met that many actors and tbh I usually like to go unnoticed. But my favorite celebrity interaction is probably when I met Joe. I got his autograph and we chatted for just a couple minutes about how I was left handed. I also had a photo op with him which was awesome - he's very thin, in real life. And it was a hot day so his body was really warm too lolll. But mostly I'm just like, "Boy am I glad I'm just one in a thousand faceless people to him."

What is a kink that fandom introduced you to, and you said, "Yes, Please!"

Every kink. I legit didn't read kink fic until Stargate Atlantis loll. I started with xanthe and blueraccoon and here I am. I love sub!Rodney and dirty talk. Ooo and docking thanks to @melagan.

Is there any fandom that you regret getting into?

The MCU. I am a Tony stan first and foremost, so it was AWFUL reading all the anti-Tony posts on tumblr as people turned against him. Fuck that fandom.

Besides deathfic, rape/non-con, what is something that, no matter the pairing, you nope out of when it comes to reading?

INCEST. I can't read it. John and Rodney in speranza's capable hands couldn't do it. If that combo can't, nothing can. The closest I can come is step-siblings fic (of which there is barely any), and only fic they meet when they're teens. If they grew up together as siblings, then it's icky to me.

How open are you about being in fandom to your non-fandom friends/family?

My family knows NOTHING about slash and what I read online. They know I'm a big fan of Stargate and collection Stargate-related memorabilia, but that's about it.

My co-worker became my best friend after we bonded about Stiles/Derek. I don't think she reads that much fic anymore, but she knows I'm still into it. Other than that, the only RL friends that know about me are my Squee family.

Crossposts: https://popkin16.livejournal.com/212856.html

What is something that has surprised you about a fandom? Like, you expected the main fandom pairing to be X/Y, but the main pairing in fandom is actually X/Z. Or a pairing you expected to be slashed together isn't very popular?

All the ships I like that aren't popular shocks me ;) No, I'm kidding.

I think the latest trend in purity policing fandom is kind of shocking to me. I hate it.. I've been in fandom for god, 19 years now? I don't remember anything like this, where people try to claim certain ships are "wrong" or "bad". I mean, I knew shipping wars were a thing, and sometimes that plays into the purity policing, but there are people who truly believe that certain ships are wrong, even if they aren't a member of that fandom and have no horse in the race, so to speak. There are multiple reasons for this trend - tumblr has played a big part in it - but it's weird to me that people are so vehemently opposed to something that doesn't impact them personally.

I miss the days when fandom was more underground, or at least an open secret never referenced to TPTB. I know for a fact I've missed a lot of wank, that part of this might be seeing through rose-colored glasses, but fandom to me has always been about shipping what you want and writing what interested in you, no matter how dark it is. No matter how gross other people find it. Fandom was - is? - freedom. Stay in your own lane and let people do what they want. That's what the back button is for. I knew that at age 12 when I joined without being told.

(Luckily I haven't had anybody try to tell me that I'm doing fandom wrong. I'm pretty sure that'll set my temper off)

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nihilvanum's words:

my dear
the problem is that
you love him so much
you would allow him
to drag you all the way to hell
if it meant you could
hold his hand
on the way down

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