[xxxHolic][Fic] The Great Defeat

[popkin16]

Inspired by a conversation with anyjen  about where Doumeki keeps that egg, seeing as it needs to be "close by him". Pockets are an obvious choice, but I've never seen him with any and it's funnier this way.

xxxHolic
Title: The Great Defeat
Genre: CRACK, romance.
Pairing: Doumeki/Watanuki.
Rating: Safe For Work. I think.
Word Count: 759
Summary: Doumeki knows it's time.

Instinctively, Doumeki knew: it was time to put the egg to good use.

To his right stood the group of strangers. The tall one in black watched Doumeki closely, though the boy knew that if the dangerous man with the ugly sideburns in front of him so much as twitched, the man in black would notice. The blond next to him had a small smile curling his lips -- he looked dangerous, almost cruel, as he watched the man with the sideburns. The one Watanuki had called Syaoran was clutching the girl to him, his face dirty and cut. He looked nervous, worried, but made no move to leave the girl's side.

To his left, Watanuki flailed. It was his best flailing yet, his whole body shaking as the arms flung about, one moment making windmill motions, the next randomly waving. His feet danced upon the ground, and Doumeki idly thought that he'd make a good tap-dancer.

"HURRY UP YOU IDIOT THERE'S NO TIME--"

"Hn," Doumeki responded. If he wanted to keep his hearing, he'd better get to it. The tall teenager reached down and unbuttoned his pants. The sideburns-man raised an eyebrow, and to his right the young boy gasped and made an aborted movement to cover the girls eyes, despite her lack of consciousness. The blond's smile changed from bloodthirsty to amused, and he murmured, "Oh my." A vein popped in the dark man's forehead.

Doumeki took this in as he unzipped his pants, and calmly slid his hands inside. To his left, Watanuki made a choking noise. A quick glance his way showed Watanuki turning a funny shade of red. His mouth was open and his lips were moving, but no sound was coming out. His eyes were fixed on Doumeki's midsection. The tall boy rummaged around a bit, until his fingers brushed what he was searching for. It took another moment for him to grip it, the position of the item making it difficult for him to get a good grasp on.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? THIS IS NO TIME TO BE GROPING YOURSELF!" Watanuki screeched, and Doumeki winced as it pierced his ears. The loud boy's shock hadn't lasted long. Doumeki pulled his hand out, his hand curled around the precious item, and held it up for all to see.

"IS THAT -- OH MY GOD, DID YOU JUST PULL AN EGG OUT OF YOUR PANTS?" Watanuki flailed harder, looking like he was attempting to dance while having a fit of some sort. It was really funny, and Doumeki couldn't keep from smiling a little.

"No."

"NO? WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO, I SAW YOU --"

"I pulled it from my underpants."

Silence met his calm words. Doumeki's blank expression did not change.

As everyone blinked at this unexpected and disturbing news, Doumeki palmed the egg and took careful aim. He pulled his arm back and swung forward, letting the egg loose. His natural athleticism came in handy once again as the egg sailed straight for his target. The egg flew through the air before slamming into Sideburn Man's crotch. He doubled-over, a gasp escaping from between his lips. Doumeki nodded, satisfied.

It was about then that Watanuki gathered his wits and began to flail again, just as hard as before. Bellowing, his eyes on Doumeki, the messy-haired youth didn't watch where he was heading and smacked Sideburn Man in the head with one waving hand. Though he had realized he'd hit someone, Watanuki couldn't stop as his momentum moved him right into the enemy's space and knocked him over. Sideburn Man's head knocked against the stone steps, an ugly sound that echoed throughout the room.

There was silence once again. Everyone watched in shock as Fei Wong Reed breathed his last.

It was over.


OMAKE:

"You don't carry an egg around in your pants, you idiot! You're lucky Sakura-chan was unconscious and Himawari-chan wasn't there, or I WOULD END YOU."

Doumeki made a noise, one suspiciously like 'hn'.

"Syaoran-kun probably thinks I'm hanging around with perverts!"

"Hn."

"Can't you say more than 'hn', for once? LISTEN TO ME, YOU DOLT. I can't have people going around thinking that I know people that would keep an egg in their...their...IT'S NOT DECENT."

Bored, going deaf, and ready for them to move on, Doumeki reached up and yanked Watanuki down into his lap. He brushed his lips against the bi-colored eyed boy's, and then did so again much more firmly when said boy showed no signs of moving. Several minutes later, they stopped for air, their chests heaving. Doumeki wanted to do that again. He wanted to kiss Watanuki again, and do some other stuff. He wanted....

"Inari sushi."

"YOU BIG PILE OF --"

THE (happy) END

I seem to be fond of writing crack. And I'm in a writing mood, so there might be more postings later on.

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/sapphirestar_/]

THEN I'LL MAKE AN ATTEMPT AT PENGUIN!DOUMEKI. AS SOON AS I HAVE TIME. I SUSPECT IT WILL BE GRATE LULZ.

wobrus asld;lkjdls hahahha THAT'S EXCELLENT makes me think of "walrus" and yes, the store sounds like a most excellent plan. it shall sell ghei things, yes? and TRUFAX. our wonky genius wayz or better than the non-genius wayz that others foolishly believe in. pfft, i say.

exactly! and make him angry, but that's a given. I DIIID. I DON'T REALLY REMEMBER ANYMORE, BUT THEN, I'M SUCH A GHEI FANTARD THAT I SEE GHEI IN EVERYTHING.

YOU SEE, WATANUKI WAS A GOOD BOY. HE TOOK CARE OF HIS FLOWERS, HE WAS FRIENDLY TO EVERYONE (ALMOST TO THE POINT OF SLAVERY, BUT THAT IS NEITHER HERE NOR THERE) AND MADE THE MOST DELICIOUS FOOD ONE COULD IMAGINE, AND WAS ALWAYS DELIGHTED TO SHARE SAID FOOD WITH THOSE IN NEED (AND THOSE NOT IN NEED, BUT THAT, ALSO, IS NEITHER HERE NOR THERE). BUT HIS LIFE WAS A TRAGIC ONE, BECAUSE WATANUKI HAD LOST HIS PARENTS AT A VERY YOUNG AGE, AND HAD THUS LIVED A LONELY LIFE - HE DIDN'T COMPLAIN, BECAUSE HE RATHER ENJOYED HIS LIFE, HIS WORLD, ALL THE WAY FROM THE RAINBOW-COLOURED WATER FALLING DOWN THE WATERFALL THAT FELL DOWN THE RAINBOW TO THE TINIEST CREATURE IN ALL OF CREATION (TWO SUCH CREATURES EXISTED, AND BOTH WENT BY THE NAME "MOKONA", BUT THEY SHALL INTRODUCE THEMSELVES AT A LATER DATE). FOR NOW, LET US GO BACK TO HOW WATANUKI'S WORLD COLLAPSED. OR, RATHER, HOW DOUMEKI SHIZUKA COLLAPSED ON WATANUKI, WHO, IN TURN, HAD THE WIND KNOCKED OUT OF HIM. "NNNNAAAAAARRRRGH," HE SCREECHED HIS MIGHTY SCREECH. DOUMEKI LOOKED AT HIM, UNIMPRESSED, AND HIMAWARI THE UNICORN SMILED DELIGHTEDLY. AND THUS BEGAN THE STORY OF THE GAY IN THE MAGICAL LAND INSIDE DOUMEKI'S PANTS. why am i doing this asljd;fljd. xDD; butbutbut do eeeeeet! :D and then your kids would go, "can i have a gay rainbow magical land too, mummy?" and then you'd go "BUT OF COURSE MY DARLING, I'D BE MOST DELIGHTED TO INTRODUCE THE WAYS OF THE GHEI TO YOU, MY NOT-QUITE-YET-GAY-SON!" ... and stuff. or maybe that'd be me with every kid i ever meet. xDDDDD;; ahaha, naturally! he does know watanuki inside and out, after all~ YES, UM. THAT. EXACTLY. AND THAT BECAUSE I THINK YOU SAID THERE ARE BIRDS IN POCKET DIMENSIONS AND DOUMEKI'S A PENGUIN, A BIRD, HE'S IN HIS OWN POCKET DIMENSION, TOO, AND THEREFORE HIS PANTS-WEARING PENGUIN SELF IS INSIDE HIS POCKET DIMENSION WITH THE BOY AND THE UNICORN LIVING IN HIS PANTS. DOES THAT MEAN THE MINI!BOY AND THE MINI!UNICORN LIVE IN THE DOUMEKI-WHO-LIVES-IN-HIS-OWN-PANTS'S-POCKET-DIMENSION'S PANTS? ... *confused* ah, um, no, me neither. not me, no sir. what is this pants you're talking about?

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT DON'T YOU DARE MAKE A LEE!DOUMEKI, DON'T YOU DARE! ... DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT RIGHT NOW I WANNA SEE I WANNA. CAN YOU IMAGINE? BECAUSE ... WELL, BECAUSE I CAN AND I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO CRY OUT OF LAUGHTER OR DESPAIR. XDDD;; yeeeees, you did. i have proof! right here! in this post you made, in this fic you wrote! ... crotch kissing involving asschin! you made it come alive, remember. xDDD;; i ... i'm not entirely sure i want to think about asschin and my tongue in the same sentence. even though it does roll off the tongue. xDDD; but truly, such giving souls we are! asschin must be very happy!

AHAHDHAHAH;DLJKLDS;LKJDLS WHAT IS THAT THING. HAHAHHAHA IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL. SO TOUCHING. :DDDDDDDD and yeah. THERE ARE STARS IN MY EYES. *_____*

(well. they usually don't. it's pretty good that they don't, actually. LIFE WOULD BE SO BORING OTHERWISE.) INDEED WE DO, MY EXTREME RIVAL FRIEND. SUCH TRUTH IN YOUR WORDS! IT'S SO COMMENDABLE!

[popkin16]

IT WOULD BE, OH YES. THE LAWLS WOULD BE EPIC.

I'm pretty proud of "Wobrus" personally XD I'm happy you like! I thought of walrus when I first came up with it too. Ghei things, and wonky things, and crack-y things, but mostly it will have Teh Ghei. That's right, and people stare in awe when us Wonky Geniuses walk by. We are a World Unto Our Own (or something, what in the world am I saying?)

But of course. Watanuki does not show his love as easily as Doumeki, it comes out all angrily. YOUR GHEI GOGGLES ARE PRETTY MUCH WELDED TO YOUR HEAD. I FEEL YOUR PAIN -- NOTHING IS SAFE FROM ME ANYMORE not even disney cartoons, oh god.

OH MY GOD. THAT IS LIKE, A;DSJKFAS I WILL HAVE TO ADD THAT TO THE STORY, AND ADD MORE PICTURES, AND MY KIDS WILL KNOW OF THIS STORY. IN FACT, IT WILL BECOME FAMOUS AMONG FANS-OF-GHEI-WITH-CHILDREN. a;skjdf;ask "My-not-quite-ghei-son" THAT IS SO AWESOME. I shall say to them, "ALL LITTLE CHILDREN WISE IN THE WAYS OF GHEI ARE WELCOME TO A MAGICAL LAND IN YOUR PANTS." ads;kj;ask do iiit! Influence future generations, Essi! He definitely does. He knows EVERYTHING. So...there are two Doumeki's, and one is a giant penguin and the other is...Doumeki himself, who keeps the penguin!him in his pants. WAIT. DOES THAT MEAN THAT WATANUKI, UPON VENTURING INTO DOUMEKI'S PANTS, GETS TO MEET HIMSELF?

THE IMAGE IS BURNED INTO MY MIND. ALL THAT GLINTING AND THUMBS UP, AND WATANUKI GOING D: D: D: but wata loves his doumeki no matter what *s-sob* What have I unleashed upon the world? Asschins and crotch kissing in one fic, it's too terrible. How can I ever atone for my sins? Ahh, my brain breaks at the thought of Asschin's and tongues. It's something that should be banned from existence. YES. MOST GHEILY GRATEFUL.

XDDD That's Chopper! He doesn't handle compliments well, so whenever someone is like, "You're adorable!" he goes, "THAT DOESN'T MAKE ME HAPPY AT ALL, ASSHOLE." and then he does that little dance. People are always like, "But...he looks really happy." NOW I CAN'T STOP PICTURING YOU-AS-I-IMAGINE-YOU DANCING LIKE THAT. lolol Starry-eyed, that's you.

I AM ONLY AS COMMENDABLE AS MY rival FRIENDS.

[http://users.livejournal.com/sapphirestar_/]

PFFFT I NEED TO START DRAWING THIS RIGHT NOW OMGOMG HAHAHAHLKFJDLJKFLD.

you know, between you and me, i have this sneaking suspicion that All Things Wonky And Cracky are also All Things Ghei. it would explain so much! and yes, they will. they shall covet our position, and yet their admiration shall be endlessly ... neverending. or something. (i have no idea. what am i saying?)

which just proves that they're the epitome of dysfunctionally functional. 8DD I RATHER LIKE THE IDEA OF GHEI GOGGLES, AND I DO BELIEVE THEY ARE FIRMLY ATTACHED TO MY EYES, YES, AS I'M SURE THEY'RE TO YOURS, MWUAHAHAH. no me neither ohmygod peter pan/the lost boys otp much.

THE THING ABOUT LIVING IN A PLACE CALLED THE MAGICAL LAND INSIDE DOUMEKI'S PANTS, A PLACE THAT IS FILLED WITH A SPARKLING RAINBOW AND A WATERFALL FROM WHICH RAINBOW-COLOURED WATER FALLS, A PLACE WHERE UNICORNS ROAM FREE AND ALL ARE WELCOME, WELL. IT'S INEVITABLE, REALLY, THAT SAID PLACE WILL MAKE ONE ENORMOUSLY GAY. THIS IS A DILEMMA OUR FABLED FLAILY HERO, WATANUKI, NOW FACES. IN THE MAGICAL LAND INSIDE DOUMEKI'S PANTS, A BOY FELL UPON A BOY, AND AS THEIR EYES MET, SPARKS FLEW. LITERALLY. "ASLKJFDLALKFDALKDJJDL!" SCREAMED WATANUKI UNINTELLIGIBLY, AND DOUMEKI - AND THAT IS, INDEED, HIS NAME - SAID, "OI. YOU HAVE FOOD?" AND WATANUKI'S NOISES GREW EVER LOUDER. "OI. I'M DOUMEKI. FOOD?" AND THUS ALL CREATURES AND THINGS FELL SILENT. "Y-YOU. DOUMEKI?" WATANUKI'S FLAIL WAS MIGHTY INDEED. "I SAID SO, DIDN'T I. IDIOT." ALL LOOKED UPON HIM. (EXCEPT WATANUKI, WHOSE RAGE HAD REACHED MAGNIFICENT LEVELS AND EXPRESSED HIS FURY BY KNOCKING HIS HEAD AGAINST A SPARKLY TREE.) "WHAT? YES, NAMED AFTER THIS LAND, YES, THE HEIR OF ALL THINGS ... WHATEVER. FOOD. INARIZUSHI." AND THUS WATANUKI'S DESTINY AS THE FRIEND (AND MORE) OF THE HEIR OF ALL THINGS IN THE MAGICAL LAND INSIDE DOUMEKI'S PANTS STARTED UNRAVELING. ohmygod seriously, what is wrong with me. i can't stop, i can't, ohmygod. *flails* DO THAT. AHAHAHAH AND THEN THEY SAY TO EVERYONE, "YOU WANNA COME LIVE INSIDE MY PANTS?" ASLKJFLLKFJDLDL. hm, hmm, i belive i shall. *strokes imaginary beard* alkjdlksjflkdsjfklsjdklf so doumeki has a giant (GIANT!) penguin!doumeki inside his pants. that sounds ... a lot like something else, HE'S NAMED IT WHAT, oh my god i did not just say that, i did not. I. OH LORD. PERHAPS? I THINK THIS NEEDS FURTHER INSPECTION. WE NEED HARDCORE PROOF! EVIDENCE! WE MUST CATCH THEM WHILE THEY'RE, UM, AT IT!

OH MY GOD, MELISSA, MUST YOU TORTURE ME SO? ... NEVERMIND THE FACT THAT I LIKE IT, BECAUSE ALJDLFJLS;FLDKJKFLJDL HAHAHAHAHAHAH GLINTING!DOUMEKI OHMYGOD. WATANUKI'D BE ALL "OHMYGOD HAVE YOU LOST WHAT LITTLE MIND YOU HAVE LEFT?!" AND HIMAWARI'D GO "IT'S SO NICE THAT DOUMEKI-SAN'S SO HAPPY AROUND YOU, WATANUKI-SAN! SUCH GREAT FRIENDS! :D :D :D" yes, indeed he does, although his denial is epically amusing i d-don't know. ;___; h-how could you! repent! repent with moar ghei fics, and forgiveness shall be granted! the power of ghei compels you! it is always with you! pffft asschin's tongue ohmygod save me! D: TRULY. ALSO, I THINK I FIRST READ "GHEIFUL". BUT THAT WORKS TOO, Y/Y?

:DDDDDDDDDDDD HE SOUNDS LIKE SO MUCH CRACK. pffffft he's a bit like watanuki, isn't he, when doumeki makes him happy, because of course he can't just accept doumeki's compliments like he would himawari's. (not that he accepts her compliments normally, either, because um. "HIMAWARI, MY GODDESS, YOU LIGHT UP MY LIFE! *twirltwirl*") xDDDD; YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M GONNA DO THAT DANCE NOW, HAHAHAKLJFLD. well, starry-eyed, at least when it comes to teh ghei. i suspect you are, as well. ;D

YOUR MODESTY HUMBLES ME GREATLY. YOU ARE SURELY THE MOST COMMENDABLE RIVAL FRIEND I HAVE EVER MET.

[popkin16]

QUICK, BEFORE INSPIRATION LEAVES.

There's an idea. It would explain much about the Nature of All Things. Perhaps you've come across the next greatest scientific discovery! Endlessly neverending, I love that. It really conveys a sense of eternity.

They're the epitome of dysfunctional functional. Any other couple would never be able to stay together if they had the same type of relationship Doumeki and Watanuki have. I GOT THE IDEA FROM fandomsecrets. I KNOW MINE ARE, NOBODY IS SAFE FROM TEH GHEI ANYMORE. JUST THE OTHER DAY I WAS WONDERING WHICH CARTOONS FROM MY CHILDHOOD WOULD BE WITH ANOTHER CARTOON.

OKAY, THAT SETTLES IT. I'M GOING BACK AND COPYING AND PASTING THE ENTIRE WORK OF ART THAT IS YOUR STORY AND SAVING IT FOR RE-READING. IT'S GLORIOUS. don't ever stop essi, ever! You are my crack-buddy, I need my crack hit! as;dkj;sk IF I DID THAT I MIGHT GET ARRESTED FOR SOLICITING, OR SOMETHING. woot, you'll be as famous as dr seuss and other....famous childrens book authors. Wait. I thought penguin!doumeki wore the pants and has a mini!doumeki living inside the pocket dimension. OH GOD, HE NAMED IT? You'd think he'd come up with something more original than his own name. HAHAHAHA WHAT IF HE NAMED HIS PENIS WATANUKI? A;SKJFS CRACK IDEA'S, LEAVE ME ALOOOOOOOOOOONE. YES, THAT'S IT. EVIDENCE, WE'RE DOING THIS ALL IN THE NAME OF SCIENCE.

IT'S BECAUSE YOU LIKE IT, MY DEAR. AND I LIKE IT TOO. That makes it sound so wrong, oh god. HAHAHA DOUMEKI ENDS UP IDOLIZING LEE FOR HIS GLINTING WAYS. as;kfjas;k and the thumbs up, Himawari's all, "Doumeki approves so much much~ I'm so glad you get along so well!" wata would deny even while they were having sex. or getting married. i repent, i repent! more ghei fics are on the way, though sadly of the One Piece kind. But now I have another crack-y 'Holic idea, so. Eww, asschin tongue. A part of the world that nobody dares venture. I'M GOING TO START SAYING GHEIFUL ALL THE TIME. "Thank you gheily."

He is~ OMG. I never thought about Chopper being like Watanuki. YOU'RE ON TO SOMETHING. WHAT IF THE TWO WERE TO MEET? And Watanuki compliments Chopper's medicinal skills, and he starts to flail, and...(Haha, could you imagine Doumeki's reaction if Watanuki started reacting to his very rare compliments like he does Himawari's?!) HAHASD;K DO IT. VIDEO TAPE IT AND SHOW THE WORLD. I'm a lot like Sanji when it comes to the ghei -- my eyes turn into hearts and I twirl. And there are sparkles and soft music....

WE ARE TWO COMMENDABLE rivals FRIENDS WHO HAVE SUCH A HEALTHY RESPECT FOR ONE ANOTHER. IT WARMS MY GIDDY HEART.

[http://users.livejournal.com/sapphirestar_/]

I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE SKETCHED HIS HEAD NOW.

we shall both be mightily rewarded with live ghei action! truly it does, yes. an endlessness without the neverending is like ghei without a fanbrat - absolutely impossible! oh my, our vast intelligence is utterly staggering!

you speak the words of absolute truth, my friend! watanuki and doumeki have that special something, don't they~ *escapes watanuki's screeches of manly rage* LAJKLFDJLF ME TOO. ALSO I'M CONVINCED MOOMIN AND SNUFKIN ARE AN OTP AND THAT'S REALLY JUST WRONG. I JUST CAN'T HELP IT!

IN THE MAGICAL LAND INSIDE DOUMEKI'S PANTS, THINGS OFTEN GO BY SMOOTHLY. THINGS FLOW, SUCH AS THE RAINBOW-COLOURED WATER FLOWS FROM THE WATERFALL. BUT ALAS, THINGS NEVER LAST FOREVER - HIMAWARI THE UNICORN KNOWS THIS BY EXPERIENCE, BECAUSE A MINUTE AGO A BOY - ONE DOUMEKI SHIZUKA - FELL UPON ANOTHER BOY - ONE WATANUKI KIMIHIRO - AND TWO MINUTES HAVE YET TO PASS AND ALREADY THE CALM IS SHATTERED BY LOUD WAILING SCREECHES AND (UNREASONABLE, WATANUKI WOULD SURELY SAY) DEMANDS OF FOOD. HIMAWARI GIGGLES. SUCH GOOD FRIENDS THESE TWO BOYS WILL BE! WATANUKI FLAILS, AS HE IS WONT TO DO, LOOKING AS FUNNY AS ALWAYS AND THEN HE TURNS AROUND, FIXES HIMAWARI WITH A PLEADING LOOK. "SWEET HIMAWARI-CHAN, TELL THIS ... THIS MONSTROSITY THAT I REFURE TO DO AS HE TELLS ME." HIMAWARI GIGGLES AGAIN. TRULY, SUCH A GREAT COMEDIC ACT! "OH, WATANUKI-CHAN," SHE SAYS, "I CAN SEE ALREADY!" WATANUKI PERKS UP. "SEE WHAT? WHAT, HIMAWARI-CHAN?" EVEN DOUMEKI LOOKS SLIGHTLY INTERESTED. "INDEED! I KNOW IT: YOU TWO SHALL BE SUCH GREAT FRIENDS-" WATANUKI MAKES AN ODD GURGLING SOUND, AND HIMAWARI BRIEFLY WONDERS WHETHER HE'S FALLING ILL, AND WOULD HE LIKE A COUGH DROP "-AND THE DEEP CONNECTION BETWEEN YOU TWO WILL DEEPEN EVEN FURTHER!" AND SHE BEAMS BRIGHTLY, AND UTTERLY FAILS TO NOTICE WATANUKI'S CHOKED "H-HIMAWARI-CHAN", TOO OCCUPIED SQUEEING OVER WATANUKI FAINTING ONLY TO BE CAUGHT BY DOUMEKI. SUFFICE IT TO SAY, THE MAGICAL LAND INSIDE DOUMEKI'S PANTS WAS, INDEED, IN THE BEGINNING OF A VERY INTERESTING ERA. fffff LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO. *brain breaks* pfft, nonsense, you'd just offer the cops a place there, too, and ALL WOULD BE WELL. trufax, only i'd be known as the One Who Made The Kids Perverted. yeah, that's how it was. i think. IDK I'M SO CONFUSED. I BET HE DID. hm, well, maybe he thinks "giant penguin!doumeki" has a nice ring to it. and also HAHAHALKFJDLJFLD OHMYGOD THAT WOULD BE. THAT WOULD ACTUALLY BE SOMETHING HE'D REALLY DO. I THINK YOU SHOULD WRITE THIS. LIKE, NOW. AND ALSO YES, ABSOLUTELY. NOTHING OF THE FANGIRL VARIETY HERE, WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT.

I. WELL. DAMN. THAT'S EXACTLY IT. we're like the masters of making things sound epically wrong AND HAHAHLFD HE'D FANGIRL LEE LIKE MADLY FANGIRLING FANGIRL AND HE'D LIKE, PUT POSTERS OF LEE ON HIS WALLS. aldjslf imagine the thumbs up and glinting and and lfdkjlslf MY BRAIN. alfjds he'd be all, "no of course i don't want to marry this lump of useless oaf, but a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do, and i'm a manly man, and also yuuko would kill me, it's not at all because of my, my desiring doumeki, no" but it's still ghei, that's all that matters! also what what, another cracky holic idea, GO FORTH AND WRITE IT. i-i don't even want to think about it. ever. my mind is so scarred, s-sob. HAHAHAHA THAT WOULD BE PERFECT. "i'm gheiful for your help."

HAHAHAHALFKD IF THEY EVER MET SURELY THE WORLD WOULD END. OR AT LEAST THINGS WOULD GET REALLYREALLY LOUD. and doumeki'd be all "who the hell is that" and glare with a burning jealousy when watanuki's attention would be totally on chopper, who would then feel the hate and ... i don't know how he'd react to that. 8DD (... hahahfkd ohmygod it would be SO EPIC. doumeki'd be all do you have a fever or did yuuko do something because this just isn't right, and his inner fangirl would sob in misery because he wouldn't have his watanuki-being-angry entertainment anymore.) HAHFKLKLFD IF I DID THAT I SUSPECT THE WORLD WOULD BURRRRRN. xDD; fff I CAN SEE YOU DOING ALL OF THAT. xDDD;

OH, MY COMMENDABLE RIVAL FRIEND, THE FACT THAT SUCH A COMMENDABLY GREAT THING WARMS YOUR COMMENDABLE HEART MAKES MY GIDDY HEART, IN TURN, ALL WARM AND SQUISHY.