[xxxHolic][Fic] The Great Defeat
Mar. 1st, 2009 02:26 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
popkin16Inspired by a conversation with ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
anyjen about where Doumeki keeps that egg, seeing as it needs to be "close by him". Pockets are an obvious choice, but I've never seen him with any and it's funnier this way.
xxxHolic
Title: The Great Defeat
Genre: CRACK, romance.
Pairing: Doumeki/Watanuki.
Rating: Safe For Work. I think.
Word Count: 759
Summary: Doumeki knows it's time.
Instinctively, Doumeki knew: it was time to put the egg to good use.
To his right stood the group of strangers. The tall one in black watched Doumeki closely, though the boy knew that if the dangerous man with the ugly sideburns in front of him so much as twitched, the man in black would notice. The blond next to him had a small smile curling his lips -- he looked dangerous, almost cruel, as he watched the man with the sideburns. The one Watanuki had called Syaoran was clutching the girl to him, his face dirty and cut. He looked nervous, worried, but made no move to leave the girl's side.
To his left, Watanuki flailed. It was his best flailing yet, his whole body shaking as the arms flung about, one moment making windmill motions, the next randomly waving. His feet danced upon the ground, and Doumeki idly thought that he'd make a good tap-dancer.
"HURRY UP YOU IDIOT THERE'S NO TIME--"
"Hn," Doumeki responded. If he wanted to keep his hearing, he'd better get to it. The tall teenager reached down and unbuttoned his pants. The sideburns-man raised an eyebrow, and to his right the young boy gasped and made an aborted movement to cover the girls eyes, despite her lack of consciousness. The blond's smile changed from bloodthirsty to amused, and he murmured, "Oh my." A vein popped in the dark man's forehead.
Doumeki took this in as he unzipped his pants, and calmly slid his hands inside. To his left, Watanuki made a choking noise. A quick glance his way showed Watanuki turning a funny shade of red. His mouth was open and his lips were moving, but no sound was coming out. His eyes were fixed on Doumeki's midsection. The tall boy rummaged around a bit, until his fingers brushed what he was searching for. It took another moment for him to grip it, the position of the item making it difficult for him to get a good grasp on.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? THIS IS NO TIME TO BE GROPING YOURSELF!" Watanuki screeched, and Doumeki winced as it pierced his ears. The loud boy's shock hadn't lasted long. Doumeki pulled his hand out, his hand curled around the precious item, and held it up for all to see.
"IS THAT -- OH MY GOD, DID YOU JUST PULL AN EGG OUT OF YOUR PANTS?" Watanuki flailed harder, looking like he was attempting to dance while having a fit of some sort. It was really funny, and Doumeki couldn't keep from smiling a little.
"No."
"NO? WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO, I SAW YOU --"
"I pulled it from my underpants."
Silence met his calm words. Doumeki's blank expression did not change.
As everyone blinked at this unexpected and disturbing news, Doumeki palmed the egg and took careful aim. He pulled his arm back and swung forward, letting the egg loose. His natural athleticism came in handy once again as the egg sailed straight for his target. The egg flew through the air before slamming into Sideburn Man's crotch. He doubled-over, a gasp escaping from between his lips. Doumeki nodded, satisfied.
It was about then that Watanuki gathered his wits and began to flail again, just as hard as before. Bellowing, his eyes on Doumeki, the messy-haired youth didn't watch where he was heading and smacked Sideburn Man in the head with one waving hand. Though he had realized he'd hit someone, Watanuki couldn't stop as his momentum moved him right into the enemy's space and knocked him over. Sideburn Man's head knocked against the stone steps, an ugly sound that echoed throughout the room.
There was silence once again. Everyone watched in shock as Fei Wong Reed breathed his last.
It was over.
OMAKE:
"You don't carry an egg around in your pants, you idiot! You're lucky Sakura-chan was unconscious and Himawari-chan wasn't there, or I WOULD END YOU."
Doumeki made a noise, one suspiciously like 'hn'.
"Syaoran-kun probably thinks I'm hanging around with perverts!"
"Hn."
"Can't you say more than 'hn', for once? LISTEN TO ME, YOU DOLT. I can't have people going around thinking that I know people that would keep an egg in their...their...IT'S NOT DECENT."
Bored, going deaf, and ready for them to move on, Doumeki reached up and yanked Watanuki down into his lap. He brushed his lips against the bi-colored eyed boy's, and then did so again much more firmly when said boy showed no signs of moving. Several minutes later, they stopped for air, their chests heaving. Doumeki wanted to do that again. He wanted to kiss Watanuki again, and do some other stuff. He wanted....
"Inari sushi."
"YOU BIG PILE OF --"
THE (happy) END
I seem to be fond of writing crack. And I'm in a writing mood, so there might be more postings later on.
anyjen about where Doumeki keeps that egg, seeing as it needs to be "close by him". Pockets are an obvious choice, but I've never seen him with any and it's funnier this way.xxxHolic
Title: The Great Defeat
Genre: CRACK, romance.
Pairing: Doumeki/Watanuki.
Rating: Safe For Work. I think.
Word Count: 759
Summary: Doumeki knows it's time.
Instinctively, Doumeki knew: it was time to put the egg to good use.
To his right stood the group of strangers. The tall one in black watched Doumeki closely, though the boy knew that if the dangerous man with the ugly sideburns in front of him so much as twitched, the man in black would notice. The blond next to him had a small smile curling his lips -- he looked dangerous, almost cruel, as he watched the man with the sideburns. The one Watanuki had called Syaoran was clutching the girl to him, his face dirty and cut. He looked nervous, worried, but made no move to leave the girl's side.
To his left, Watanuki flailed. It was his best flailing yet, his whole body shaking as the arms flung about, one moment making windmill motions, the next randomly waving. His feet danced upon the ground, and Doumeki idly thought that he'd make a good tap-dancer.
"HURRY UP YOU IDIOT THERE'S NO TIME--"
"Hn," Doumeki responded. If he wanted to keep his hearing, he'd better get to it. The tall teenager reached down and unbuttoned his pants. The sideburns-man raised an eyebrow, and to his right the young boy gasped and made an aborted movement to cover the girls eyes, despite her lack of consciousness. The blond's smile changed from bloodthirsty to amused, and he murmured, "Oh my." A vein popped in the dark man's forehead.
Doumeki took this in as he unzipped his pants, and calmly slid his hands inside. To his left, Watanuki made a choking noise. A quick glance his way showed Watanuki turning a funny shade of red. His mouth was open and his lips were moving, but no sound was coming out. His eyes were fixed on Doumeki's midsection. The tall boy rummaged around a bit, until his fingers brushed what he was searching for. It took another moment for him to grip it, the position of the item making it difficult for him to get a good grasp on.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? THIS IS NO TIME TO BE GROPING YOURSELF!" Watanuki screeched, and Doumeki winced as it pierced his ears. The loud boy's shock hadn't lasted long. Doumeki pulled his hand out, his hand curled around the precious item, and held it up for all to see.
"IS THAT -- OH MY GOD, DID YOU JUST PULL AN EGG OUT OF YOUR PANTS?" Watanuki flailed harder, looking like he was attempting to dance while having a fit of some sort. It was really funny, and Doumeki couldn't keep from smiling a little.
"No."
"NO? WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO, I SAW YOU --"
"I pulled it from my underpants."
Silence met his calm words. Doumeki's blank expression did not change.
As everyone blinked at this unexpected and disturbing news, Doumeki palmed the egg and took careful aim. He pulled his arm back and swung forward, letting the egg loose. His natural athleticism came in handy once again as the egg sailed straight for his target. The egg flew through the air before slamming into Sideburn Man's crotch. He doubled-over, a gasp escaping from between his lips. Doumeki nodded, satisfied.
It was about then that Watanuki gathered his wits and began to flail again, just as hard as before. Bellowing, his eyes on Doumeki, the messy-haired youth didn't watch where he was heading and smacked Sideburn Man in the head with one waving hand. Though he had realized he'd hit someone, Watanuki couldn't stop as his momentum moved him right into the enemy's space and knocked him over. Sideburn Man's head knocked against the stone steps, an ugly sound that echoed throughout the room.
There was silence once again. Everyone watched in shock as Fei Wong Reed breathed his last.
It was over.
OMAKE:
"You don't carry an egg around in your pants, you idiot! You're lucky Sakura-chan was unconscious and Himawari-chan wasn't there, or I WOULD END YOU."
Doumeki made a noise, one suspiciously like 'hn'.
"Syaoran-kun probably thinks I'm hanging around with perverts!"
"Hn."
"Can't you say more than 'hn', for once? LISTEN TO ME, YOU DOLT. I can't have people going around thinking that I know people that would keep an egg in their...their...IT'S NOT DECENT."
Bored, going deaf, and ready for them to move on, Doumeki reached up and yanked Watanuki down into his lap. He brushed his lips against the bi-colored eyed boy's, and then did so again much more firmly when said boy showed no signs of moving. Several minutes later, they stopped for air, their chests heaving. Doumeki wanted to do that again. He wanted to kiss Watanuki again, and do some other stuff. He wanted....
"Inari sushi."
"YOU BIG PILE OF --"
THE (happy) END
I seem to be fond of writing crack. And I'm in a writing mood, so there might be more postings later on.
no subject
Date: 2009-03-30 05:21 am (UTC)There's an idea. It would explain much about the Nature of All Things. Perhaps you've come across the next greatest scientific discovery! Endlessly neverending, I love that. It really conveys a sense of eternity.
They're the epitome of dysfunctional functional. Any other couple would never be able to stay together if they had the same type of relationship Doumeki and Watanuki have. I GOT THE IDEA FROM
OKAY, THAT SETTLES IT. I'M GOING BACK AND COPYING AND PASTING THE ENTIRE WORK OF ART THAT IS YOUR STORY AND SAVING IT FOR RE-READING. IT'S GLORIOUS. don't ever stop essi, ever! You are my crack-buddy, I need my crack hit! as;dkj;sk IF I DID THAT I MIGHT GET ARRESTED FOR SOLICITING, OR SOMETHING. woot, you'll be as famous as dr seuss and other....famous childrens book authors.
Wait. I thought penguin!doumeki wore the pants and has a mini!doumeki living inside the pocket dimension. OH GOD, HE NAMED IT? You'd think he'd come up with something more original than his own name. HAHAHAHA WHAT IF HE NAMED HIS PENIS WATANUKI? A;SKJFS CRACK IDEA'S, LEAVE ME ALOOOOOOOOOOONE. YES, THAT'S IT. EVIDENCE, WE'RE DOING THIS ALL IN THE NAME OF SCIENCE.IT'S BECAUSE YOU LIKE IT, MY DEAR. AND I LIKE IT TOO.
That makes it sound so wrong, oh god.HAHAHA DOUMEKI ENDS UP IDOLIZING LEE FOR HIS GLINTING WAYS. as;kfjas;k and the thumbs up, Himawari's all, "Doumeki approves so much much~ I'm so glad you get along so well!"wata would deny even while they were having sex. or getting married.i repent, i repent! more ghei fics are on the way, though sadly of the One Piece kind. But now I have another crack-y 'Holic idea, so.Eww, asschin tongue. A part of the world that nobody dares venture. I'M GOING TO START SAYING GHEIFUL ALL THE TIME. "Thank you gheily."He is~ OMG. I never thought about Chopper being like Watanuki. YOU'RE ON TO SOMETHING. WHAT IF THE TWO WERE TO MEET? And Watanuki compliments Chopper's medicinal skills, and he starts to flail, and...(Haha, could you imagine Doumeki's reaction if Watanuki started reacting to his very rare compliments like he does Himawari's?!) HAHASD;K DO IT. VIDEO TAPE IT AND SHOW THE WORLD. I'm a lot like Sanji when it comes to the ghei -- my eyes turn into hearts and I twirl. And there are sparkles and soft music....
WE ARE TWO COMMENDABLE
rivalsFRIENDS WHO HAVE SUCH A HEALTHY RESPECT FOR ONE ANOTHER. IT WARMS MY GIDDY HEART.no subject
Date: 2009-04-04 11:09 pm (UTC)we shall both be mightily rewarded
with live ghei action! truly it does, yes. an endlessness without the neverending is like ghei without a fanbrat - absolutely impossible! oh my, our vast intelligence is utterly staggering!you speak the words of absolute truth, my friend! watanuki and doumeki have that special something, don't they~ *escapes watanuki's screeches of manly rage* LAJKLFDJLF ME TOO. ALSO I'M CONVINCED MOOMIN AND SNUFKIN ARE AN OTP AND THAT'S REALLY JUST WRONG. I JUST CAN'T HELP IT!
IN THE MAGICAL LAND INSIDE DOUMEKI'S PANTS, THINGS OFTEN GO BY SMOOTHLY. THINGS FLOW, SUCH AS THE RAINBOW-COLOURED WATER FLOWS FROM THE WATERFALL. BUT ALAS, THINGS NEVER LAST FOREVER - HIMAWARI THE UNICORN KNOWS THIS BY EXPERIENCE, BECAUSE A MINUTE AGO A BOY - ONE DOUMEKI SHIZUKA - FELL UPON ANOTHER BOY - ONE WATANUKI KIMIHIRO - AND TWO MINUTES HAVE YET TO PASS AND ALREADY THE CALM IS SHATTERED BY LOUD WAILING SCREECHES AND (UNREASONABLE, WATANUKI WOULD SURELY SAY) DEMANDS OF FOOD. HIMAWARI GIGGLES. SUCH GOOD FRIENDS THESE TWO BOYS WILL BE! WATANUKI FLAILS, AS HE IS WONT TO DO, LOOKING AS FUNNY AS ALWAYS AND THEN HE TURNS AROUND, FIXES HIMAWARI WITH A PLEADING LOOK. "SWEET HIMAWARI-CHAN, TELL THIS ... THIS MONSTROSITY THAT I REFURE TO DO AS HE TELLS ME." HIMAWARI GIGGLES AGAIN. TRULY, SUCH A GREAT COMEDIC ACT! "OH, WATANUKI-CHAN," SHE SAYS, "I CAN SEE ALREADY!" WATANUKI PERKS UP. "SEE WHAT? WHAT, HIMAWARI-CHAN?" EVEN DOUMEKI LOOKS SLIGHTLY INTERESTED. "INDEED! I KNOW IT: YOU TWO SHALL BE SUCH GREAT FRIENDS-" WATANUKI MAKES AN ODD GURGLING SOUND, AND HIMAWARI BRIEFLY WONDERS WHETHER HE'S FALLING ILL, AND WOULD HE LIKE A COUGH DROP "-AND THE DEEP CONNECTION BETWEEN YOU TWO WILL DEEPEN EVEN FURTHER!" AND SHE BEAMS BRIGHTLY, AND UTTERLY FAILS TO NOTICE WATANUKI'S CHOKED "H-HIMAWARI-CHAN", TOO OCCUPIED SQUEEING OVER WATANUKI FAINTING ONLY TO BE CAUGHT BY DOUMEKI. SUFFICE IT TO SAY, THE MAGICAL LAND INSIDE DOUMEKI'S PANTS WAS, INDEED, IN THE BEGINNING OF A VERY INTERESTING ERA. fffff LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO. *brain breaks* pfft, nonsense, you'd just offer the cops a place there, too, and ALL WOULD BE WELL. trufax, only i'd be known as the One Who Made The Kids Perverted.
yeah, that's how it was. i think. IDK I'M SO CONFUSED. I BET HE DID. hm, well, maybe he thinks "giant penguin!doumeki" has a nice ring to it. and also HAHAHALKFJDLJFLD OHMYGOD THAT WOULD BE. THAT WOULD ACTUALLY BE SOMETHING HE'D REALLY DO. I THINK YOU SHOULD WRITE THIS. LIKE, NOW. AND ALSO YES, ABSOLUTELY. NOTHING OF THE FANGIRL VARIETY HERE, WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT.I. WELL. DAMN. THAT'S EXACTLY IT.
we're like the masters of making things sound epically wrongAND HAHAHLFD HE'D FANGIRL LEE LIKE MADLY FANGIRLING FANGIRL AND HE'D LIKE, PUT POSTERS OF LEE ON HIS WALLS. aldjslf imagine the thumbs up and glinting and and lfdkjlslf MY BRAIN.alfjds he'd be all, "no of course i don't want to marry this lump of useless oaf, but a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do, and i'm a manly man, and also yuuko would kill me, it's not at all because of my, my desiring doumeki, no"but it's still ghei, that's all that matters! also what what, another cracky holic idea, GO FORTH AND WRITE IT.i-i don't even want to think about it. ever. my mind is so scarred, s-sob. HAHAHAHA THAT WOULD BE PERFECT. "i'm gheiful for your help."HAHAHAHALFKD IF THEY EVER MET SURELY THE WORLD WOULD END. OR AT LEAST THINGS WOULD GET REALLYREALLY LOUD. and doumeki'd be all "who the hell is that" and glare with a burning jealousy when watanuki's attention would be totally on chopper, who would then feel the hate and ... i don't know how he'd react to that. 8DD (... hahahfkd ohmygod it would be SO EPIC. doumeki'd be all do you have a fever or did yuuko do something because this just isn't right, and his inner fangirl would sob in misery because he wouldn't have his watanuki-being-angry entertainment anymore.) HAHFKLKLFD IF I DID THAT I SUSPECT THE WORLD WOULD BURRRRRN. xDD; fff I CAN SEE YOU DOING ALL OF THAT. xDDD;
OH, MY COMMENDABLE
RIVALFRIEND, THE FACT THAT SUCH A COMMENDABLY GREAT THING WARMS YOUR COMMENDABLE HEART MAKES MY GIDDY HEART, IN TURN, ALL WARM AND SQUISHY.