[xxxHolic][Fic] The Great Defeat
Mar. 1st, 2009 02:26 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
popkin16Inspired by a conversation with ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
anyjen about where Doumeki keeps that egg, seeing as it needs to be "close by him". Pockets are an obvious choice, but I've never seen him with any and it's funnier this way.
xxxHolic
Title: The Great Defeat
Genre: CRACK, romance.
Pairing: Doumeki/Watanuki.
Rating: Safe For Work. I think.
Word Count: 759
Summary: Doumeki knows it's time.
Instinctively, Doumeki knew: it was time to put the egg to good use.
To his right stood the group of strangers. The tall one in black watched Doumeki closely, though the boy knew that if the dangerous man with the ugly sideburns in front of him so much as twitched, the man in black would notice. The blond next to him had a small smile curling his lips -- he looked dangerous, almost cruel, as he watched the man with the sideburns. The one Watanuki had called Syaoran was clutching the girl to him, his face dirty and cut. He looked nervous, worried, but made no move to leave the girl's side.
To his left, Watanuki flailed. It was his best flailing yet, his whole body shaking as the arms flung about, one moment making windmill motions, the next randomly waving. His feet danced upon the ground, and Doumeki idly thought that he'd make a good tap-dancer.
"HURRY UP YOU IDIOT THERE'S NO TIME--"
"Hn," Doumeki responded. If he wanted to keep his hearing, he'd better get to it. The tall teenager reached down and unbuttoned his pants. The sideburns-man raised an eyebrow, and to his right the young boy gasped and made an aborted movement to cover the girls eyes, despite her lack of consciousness. The blond's smile changed from bloodthirsty to amused, and he murmured, "Oh my." A vein popped in the dark man's forehead.
Doumeki took this in as he unzipped his pants, and calmly slid his hands inside. To his left, Watanuki made a choking noise. A quick glance his way showed Watanuki turning a funny shade of red. His mouth was open and his lips were moving, but no sound was coming out. His eyes were fixed on Doumeki's midsection. The tall boy rummaged around a bit, until his fingers brushed what he was searching for. It took another moment for him to grip it, the position of the item making it difficult for him to get a good grasp on.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? THIS IS NO TIME TO BE GROPING YOURSELF!" Watanuki screeched, and Doumeki winced as it pierced his ears. The loud boy's shock hadn't lasted long. Doumeki pulled his hand out, his hand curled around the precious item, and held it up for all to see.
"IS THAT -- OH MY GOD, DID YOU JUST PULL AN EGG OUT OF YOUR PANTS?" Watanuki flailed harder, looking like he was attempting to dance while having a fit of some sort. It was really funny, and Doumeki couldn't keep from smiling a little.
"No."
"NO? WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO, I SAW YOU --"
"I pulled it from my underpants."
Silence met his calm words. Doumeki's blank expression did not change.
As everyone blinked at this unexpected and disturbing news, Doumeki palmed the egg and took careful aim. He pulled his arm back and swung forward, letting the egg loose. His natural athleticism came in handy once again as the egg sailed straight for his target. The egg flew through the air before slamming into Sideburn Man's crotch. He doubled-over, a gasp escaping from between his lips. Doumeki nodded, satisfied.
It was about then that Watanuki gathered his wits and began to flail again, just as hard as before. Bellowing, his eyes on Doumeki, the messy-haired youth didn't watch where he was heading and smacked Sideburn Man in the head with one waving hand. Though he had realized he'd hit someone, Watanuki couldn't stop as his momentum moved him right into the enemy's space and knocked him over. Sideburn Man's head knocked against the stone steps, an ugly sound that echoed throughout the room.
There was silence once again. Everyone watched in shock as Fei Wong Reed breathed his last.
It was over.
OMAKE:
"You don't carry an egg around in your pants, you idiot! You're lucky Sakura-chan was unconscious and Himawari-chan wasn't there, or I WOULD END YOU."
Doumeki made a noise, one suspiciously like 'hn'.
"Syaoran-kun probably thinks I'm hanging around with perverts!"
"Hn."
"Can't you say more than 'hn', for once? LISTEN TO ME, YOU DOLT. I can't have people going around thinking that I know people that would keep an egg in their...their...IT'S NOT DECENT."
Bored, going deaf, and ready for them to move on, Doumeki reached up and yanked Watanuki down into his lap. He brushed his lips against the bi-colored eyed boy's, and then did so again much more firmly when said boy showed no signs of moving. Several minutes later, they stopped for air, their chests heaving. Doumeki wanted to do that again. He wanted to kiss Watanuki again, and do some other stuff. He wanted....
"Inari sushi."
"YOU BIG PILE OF --"
THE (happy) END
I seem to be fond of writing crack. And I'm in a writing mood, so there might be more postings later on.
anyjen about where Doumeki keeps that egg, seeing as it needs to be "close by him". Pockets are an obvious choice, but I've never seen him with any and it's funnier this way.xxxHolic
Title: The Great Defeat
Genre: CRACK, romance.
Pairing: Doumeki/Watanuki.
Rating: Safe For Work. I think.
Word Count: 759
Summary: Doumeki knows it's time.
Instinctively, Doumeki knew: it was time to put the egg to good use.
To his right stood the group of strangers. The tall one in black watched Doumeki closely, though the boy knew that if the dangerous man with the ugly sideburns in front of him so much as twitched, the man in black would notice. The blond next to him had a small smile curling his lips -- he looked dangerous, almost cruel, as he watched the man with the sideburns. The one Watanuki had called Syaoran was clutching the girl to him, his face dirty and cut. He looked nervous, worried, but made no move to leave the girl's side.
To his left, Watanuki flailed. It was his best flailing yet, his whole body shaking as the arms flung about, one moment making windmill motions, the next randomly waving. His feet danced upon the ground, and Doumeki idly thought that he'd make a good tap-dancer.
"HURRY UP YOU IDIOT THERE'S NO TIME--"
"Hn," Doumeki responded. If he wanted to keep his hearing, he'd better get to it. The tall teenager reached down and unbuttoned his pants. The sideburns-man raised an eyebrow, and to his right the young boy gasped and made an aborted movement to cover the girls eyes, despite her lack of consciousness. The blond's smile changed from bloodthirsty to amused, and he murmured, "Oh my." A vein popped in the dark man's forehead.
Doumeki took this in as he unzipped his pants, and calmly slid his hands inside. To his left, Watanuki made a choking noise. A quick glance his way showed Watanuki turning a funny shade of red. His mouth was open and his lips were moving, but no sound was coming out. His eyes were fixed on Doumeki's midsection. The tall boy rummaged around a bit, until his fingers brushed what he was searching for. It took another moment for him to grip it, the position of the item making it difficult for him to get a good grasp on.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? THIS IS NO TIME TO BE GROPING YOURSELF!" Watanuki screeched, and Doumeki winced as it pierced his ears. The loud boy's shock hadn't lasted long. Doumeki pulled his hand out, his hand curled around the precious item, and held it up for all to see.
"IS THAT -- OH MY GOD, DID YOU JUST PULL AN EGG OUT OF YOUR PANTS?" Watanuki flailed harder, looking like he was attempting to dance while having a fit of some sort. It was really funny, and Doumeki couldn't keep from smiling a little.
"No."
"NO? WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO, I SAW YOU --"
"I pulled it from my underpants."
Silence met his calm words. Doumeki's blank expression did not change.
As everyone blinked at this unexpected and disturbing news, Doumeki palmed the egg and took careful aim. He pulled his arm back and swung forward, letting the egg loose. His natural athleticism came in handy once again as the egg sailed straight for his target. The egg flew through the air before slamming into Sideburn Man's crotch. He doubled-over, a gasp escaping from between his lips. Doumeki nodded, satisfied.
It was about then that Watanuki gathered his wits and began to flail again, just as hard as before. Bellowing, his eyes on Doumeki, the messy-haired youth didn't watch where he was heading and smacked Sideburn Man in the head with one waving hand. Though he had realized he'd hit someone, Watanuki couldn't stop as his momentum moved him right into the enemy's space and knocked him over. Sideburn Man's head knocked against the stone steps, an ugly sound that echoed throughout the room.
There was silence once again. Everyone watched in shock as Fei Wong Reed breathed his last.
It was over.
OMAKE:
"You don't carry an egg around in your pants, you idiot! You're lucky Sakura-chan was unconscious and Himawari-chan wasn't there, or I WOULD END YOU."
Doumeki made a noise, one suspiciously like 'hn'.
"Syaoran-kun probably thinks I'm hanging around with perverts!"
"Hn."
"Can't you say more than 'hn', for once? LISTEN TO ME, YOU DOLT. I can't have people going around thinking that I know people that would keep an egg in their...their...IT'S NOT DECENT."
Bored, going deaf, and ready for them to move on, Doumeki reached up and yanked Watanuki down into his lap. He brushed his lips against the bi-colored eyed boy's, and then did so again much more firmly when said boy showed no signs of moving. Several minutes later, they stopped for air, their chests heaving. Doumeki wanted to do that again. He wanted to kiss Watanuki again, and do some other stuff. He wanted....
"Inari sushi."
"YOU BIG PILE OF --"
THE (happy) END
I seem to be fond of writing crack. And I'm in a writing mood, so there might be more postings later on.
no subject
Date: 2009-03-01 07:45 am (UTC)Like I said, this makes me positively howl with laughter. I bet that was something mr. asschin-sama wasn't expecting (I wasn't expecting Doumeki to use that blasted egg to throw it at the guy's crotch either. XD)
Loved everybody's reactions, and Doumeki's musings on them... and the ending was just perfect.
Are you going to post it in the doumeki/watanuki and xxholic communities? I think theyd all enjoy this shiny piece of crack... :3
(because we are all holding our breath for the end and I can't be the only one to prefer something like this to what is bound to be a rather painful sequence of events).
there is a tense shift, though...
A quick glance his way shows Watanuki turning a funny shade of red
it should be "showed", to fit the rest of the narrative. But that's just me being picky, this really was AWESOME!!
So glad you liked XD
Date: 2009-03-01 07:57 am (UTC)I seem to remember someone saying that Doumeki might just throw it at Asschin's head, so I didn't want to use that idea. His crotch seemed the next logical point to take him down. Doumeki wins through sheer badassery :)
Writing everybody's reactions made me giggle. Espeically Fai's, for some reason.
I was thinking of posting this, yes. As nervous as I am about posting to my journal, I'm five times more nervous about posting to communities. But I think this is funny, so...Yeah. I will. (Once the two series' end, we might need all the crack we can get).
No no, thank you for pointing that out! I wrote this in a hurry, so I really thought there'd be more mistakes. I'll edit it right now :)
Re: So glad you liked XD
Date: 2009-03-01 08:04 am (UTC)Fai's "Oh my" was awesome. XD
my favourite part?
Doumeki wanted to do that again. He wanted to kiss Watanuki again, and do some other stuff. He wanted....
"Inari sushi."
"YOU BIG PILE OF --"
Sheer win. XD
Re: So glad you liked XD
Date: 2009-03-01 08:08 am (UTC)lol It made me giggle. I can just hear him saying it int my head ^________^
That was a last minute addition to my sudden fic, so I'm glad it worked out! Doesn't it just seem like the two of them? And then they lived happily ever after. 8D
no subject
Date: 2009-03-01 08:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-01 08:33 am (UTC)Thanks for reading~!
no subject
Date: 2009-03-01 08:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-01 08:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-01 08:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-01 08:44 am (UTC)Doumeki commends you for your brilliance :)
no subject
Date: 2009-03-01 10:30 am (UTC)-I think I shall love that line for a very long time XD
(I'm almost curious to wonder what else he has hidden in his underwear XD)
no subject
Date: 2009-03-01 10:54 am (UTC)I loved the TRC groups expressions. Fai was classic with the amused "Oh my" and Kuro looks like he might pop a vein lol.
Ahhh who knew the flailing could be so handy.
Love Doumeki for stopping him with kissage. We all knew that that would be the only way to stop Watanuki mid-flail.
no subject
Date: 2009-03-01 12:15 pm (UTC)... okay no, i can, because our numerous, endless
crackedcracky conversations prove otherwise. BUT STILL. OMG YOU, BWAHAHAHA.It was his best flailing yet
:DDD it's like doumeki keeps a list, somewhere, about watanuki's best and worst flailings ASD;LFJD TAP-DANCER WATANUKI OH MY GOD. AND KUROGANE. AND FAI. AND ATTEMPTING-TO-COVER-SAKURA'S-EYES SYAORAN PFFFT.
The tall boy rummaged around a bit
pffffffffft doumekiiiiii IT'S LIKE THERE'S THIS ENDLESS AMOUNT OF SPACE IN HIS PANTS, LIKE IN A HUGE BAG.
but that can't be true, since, well, i can't imagine he's that small and what I SAID NOTHING.AND SLAMMING EGGS INTO ASSCHIN!CROTCHES. it's ... sort of like an indirect kiss, y'know. it's been in doumeki's crotch, the egg, and now it's on asschin's and ohmygod ASSCHIN/DOUMEKI I AM NOT GOING THERE. THE THINGS YOU DO TO ME, MELISSA, SERIOUSLY.
butbutbut. that's exactly how things should go. i mean it. it's perfect. and that omake, too, omg, it's so ic and everything and and and. YOU COMPLETE ME.
YOU JUST. ILU ♥ :DDDDDDDDD
no subject
Date: 2009-03-01 12:41 pm (UTC)I started chuckling at Doumeki idly thought that he'd make a good tap-dancer and just got more hysterical with each paragraph. I expect I shall randomly start giggling throughout the day, or at least until one of my housemates gets me sectioned.
...More postings later on? XD
no subject
Date: 2009-03-01 12:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-01 04:08 pm (UTC)Thanks for sharing ♥
no subject
Date: 2009-03-01 06:04 pm (UTC)Re: So glad you liked XD
Date: 2009-03-01 06:58 pm (UTC)That's made it so much fun. I wouldn't have put it past him to wolf-whistle... or wolf-hyuu. XD
Yeah, it does. Though Watanuki may become paranoid as to what more Doumeki may be hiding in there. And he will never, ever ask him to pick up eggs in the market for him... XD
no subject
Date: 2009-03-01 07:02 pm (UTC)Watanuki is dangerous. Run away when he starts flailing.
no subject
Date: 2009-03-01 08:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-01 08:41 pm (UTC)I'm still giggly over the whole thing. Thank you for writing.
no subject
Date: 2009-03-01 09:30 pm (UTC)<3 <3 <3
Re: So glad you liked XD
Date: 2009-03-02 12:34 am (UTC)Aww, I forget about Fai's whistling. If I had remembered, I would have put that in, lol.
LOL I'm sure Doumeki won't mind not having to care eggs any longer. Leaves his
pantshands free for other things >_>no subject
Date: 2009-03-02 01:08 am (UTC)(Only Doumeki knows, and he's not telling anybody but Watanuki)
no subject
Date: 2009-03-02 01:10 am (UTC)I giggled while writing Fai's. Kuro-woo-woo is so shy! XD
I remember talking with someone about how amazing it is that Watanuki doesn't flail right into somebody ^_____^ I figured it'd be an epic way to end Asschin.
LOL Doumeki is wise in the ways of shutting Watanuki up!
Thanks for reading~