Thinky thoughts tl;dr
Mar. 6th, 2013 08:10 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
popkin16I'm easily influenced when it comes to fandom.
If friends of mine talk about a ship before I've even watched an episode, I'll end up shipping it - especially if they link me to fic. I shipped Steve/Tony from Avengers before I'd seen the movie because of all the comic panels I'd seen, I shipped Enjolras/Grantaire from Les Miserables before I had even seen the movie - and I haven't read the book.
If you want me to ship something, tell me why you ship it, link me to a fic you love, and then have me watch the source material.
Stargate: Atlantis was the fandom in which I first gave kink a try. First it was only light stuff, which hardly seems kinky now. Things like Breathe by![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
blueraccoon, for example. My first actual kinky fic was xanthe's BDSM Universe, which I skimmed through the first time with an embarrassed sort of fascination. Then it was Stars Against The Sun by almostnever, which is probably the first D/s fic I truly fell in love with, and suddenly I realized all my first kinky fics were sub!Rodney and that I was completely and totally in love with the idea...
...only the rest of the fandom felt different.
I can see why they love sub!John, don't get me wrong. I don't want to get into why sub!John is so popular or my thoughts on why sub!Rodney could work. I just want to let this all out, once and for all.
I've written this post so many times, though it was less musing and more complaining (hopefully nobody reads this as just a long post of complaining. I want to explain, to share my thoughts, not garner sympathy or pity). I keep going through these periods of frustration because I struggle to find quality sub!Rodney fic, because every new kinky fic is sub!John, because even when I wanted just simple bottom!Rodney fic, it was a struggle to find. Because when it was AMTDI fic, John always seemed to be chosen for the ritual, made into the sex slave (or Rodney's slave), crossdressing and whumped and comforted and taken care of.
I felt like there was something wrong with me, like I was one of those fans that only wanted fics where they were OOC. What did the rest of the fandom see that I barely could?
I'm getting better. I love this fandom and I want to stick around for many years to come, and this such a stupid thing to get upset over. So. Stupid. I'd tell myself that over and over, fight down the instinctive disgruntled reaction when a new fic was posted and it was bottom!John with only a mention of Rodney bottoming, just a quick line and never a full sex scene for Rodney.
I've complained (repeatedly) to only a few close friends about this; those poor, wonderfully supportive people who never told me to shut up or told me I had bad taste.
I'm getting better. I still tell myself this is a stupid thing to get upset over (and god, it is), I tell myself that I do think John bottoming is hot (I do) and I need to get over my frustration at its prevalence. I need to stop wishing I favored John over Rodney, to stop believing there is something very wrong with me and how I see the characters, and to start remembering I prefer them together no matter how their dynamic is.
You can't help how you feel, but I'll be damned if I keep hold of the frustration and pettiness and bitterly move on to another fandom.
I keep changing my mind on posting this, because I've made some wonderful friends in this fandom and I will be so sad if I lose their respect or friendship over this petty crap, but I want to get this out, once and for all.
I'm determined to only move forward.
Deep breath, and I'm putting this all behind me.
If friends of mine talk about a ship before I've even watched an episode, I'll end up shipping it - especially if they link me to fic. I shipped Steve/Tony from Avengers before I'd seen the movie because of all the comic panels I'd seen, I shipped Enjolras/Grantaire from Les Miserables before I had even seen the movie - and I haven't read the book.
If you want me to ship something, tell me why you ship it, link me to a fic you love, and then have me watch the source material.
Stargate: Atlantis was the fandom in which I first gave kink a try. First it was only light stuff, which hardly seems kinky now. Things like Breathe by
blueraccoon, for example. My first actual kinky fic was xanthe's BDSM Universe, which I skimmed through the first time with an embarrassed sort of fascination. Then it was Stars Against The Sun by almostnever, which is probably the first D/s fic I truly fell in love with, and suddenly I realized all my first kinky fics were sub!Rodney and that I was completely and totally in love with the idea......only the rest of the fandom felt different.
I can see why they love sub!John, don't get me wrong. I don't want to get into why sub!John is so popular or my thoughts on why sub!Rodney could work. I just want to let this all out, once and for all.
I've written this post so many times, though it was less musing and more complaining (hopefully nobody reads this as just a long post of complaining. I want to explain, to share my thoughts, not garner sympathy or pity). I keep going through these periods of frustration because I struggle to find quality sub!Rodney fic, because every new kinky fic is sub!John, because even when I wanted just simple bottom!Rodney fic, it was a struggle to find. Because when it was AMTDI fic, John always seemed to be chosen for the ritual, made into the sex slave (or Rodney's slave), crossdressing and whumped and comforted and taken care of.
I felt like there was something wrong with me, like I was one of those fans that only wanted fics where they were OOC. What did the rest of the fandom see that I barely could?
I'm getting better. I love this fandom and I want to stick around for many years to come, and this such a stupid thing to get upset over. So. Stupid. I'd tell myself that over and over, fight down the instinctive disgruntled reaction when a new fic was posted and it was bottom!John with only a mention of Rodney bottoming, just a quick line and never a full sex scene for Rodney.
I've complained (repeatedly) to only a few close friends about this; those poor, wonderfully supportive people who never told me to shut up or told me I had bad taste.
I'm getting better. I still tell myself this is a stupid thing to get upset over (and god, it is), I tell myself that I do think John bottoming is hot (I do) and I need to get over my frustration at its prevalence. I need to stop wishing I favored John over Rodney, to stop believing there is something very wrong with me and how I see the characters, and to start remembering I prefer them together no matter how their dynamic is.
You can't help how you feel, but I'll be damned if I keep hold of the frustration and pettiness and bitterly move on to another fandom.
I keep changing my mind on posting this, because I've made some wonderful friends in this fandom and I will be so sad if I lose their respect or friendship over this petty crap, but I want to get this out, once and for all.
I'm determined to only move forward.
Deep breath, and I'm putting this all behind me.
